Tonight was my 21st party. I am so drunk right now. I had to correct like 20 spelling mistakes so far. I even do that when I am really drunk. I made an awesome speech though. Here's the draft, to which my delivered speech was, surprisingly, fairly close:
Friends! People of Sydney! [pause for cries of "He's amazing, who is he?" and "Is he Christ?"] You are the chosen ones! You have been brought here for one purpose, and one purpose only: to bask in the glory of my birthday, and party like you've never partied before!
To be honest, it didn't really occur to me that I'd have to do a speech until today, so this will be mostly a hodge podge of quotes like that.
Thank you all for coming. If nobody had come it would have been quite shit, but at least there'd be more beer for me. I like it better this way.
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
Which, for the confused, is a compliment.
We're here to celebrate the fact that I haven't died for the last 21 years. Which is always a good thing. There's been a few close calls though:
The time I blew up my hand with a homemade explosive. I escaped with only first degree burns.
Or the time I drank about three quarters of a bottle of homemade vodka at Beff's place. That was good times, until it wasn't.
I was born at a very early age, nude, helpless and unable to provide for myself. Eventually I overcame these handicaps to become the dynamic, successful individual I pretend to be today.
But I couldn't have done it without my family and friends, who have helped and guided me along the road of life... by the way, if I make another "road of life" cliché, please shoot me.
My Mum, who was always there for me even after I moved out.
My Dad, who always encouraged me to pursue my interests.
My sister, who being three years older than me always gave me helpful advice on things she'd done three years before me.
All my friends from primary school, high school and now uni, who put up with my weirdness.
And everyone else who doesn't fit into these categories.
So to them and to all the rest of you I say thank you, and here's to many more years of partying and good times!