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Sunday, November 11, 2007

Fruit bag

I just saw a McDonald's ad. In their latest attempt to appear healthy they're apparently giving kids a choice with their happy meals: fries or a "fruit bag". The little girl in the ad, ordering a happy meal, made a big show of being woefully unable to choose between these options as if they were equally appetising, or equally unappetising as the case may be.

The fallacy lies herein: what kind of kid is ever going to choose a fucking fruit bag over chips? Nobody, that's who. No kid goes to Maccas to eat fruit. Imagine it: a group of kids go to Maccas for a birthday party or whatever, all getting happy meals. They're all getting chips, as you do, and then one of them gets a fruit bag. He is teased mercilessly by his peers and nicknamed "fruit bag" for years to come. Kids do that.

"Fruit bag" is the worst thing kids could call each other. As well as sounding like "fruitcake", and hinting at homosexuality, the "bag" bit alludes to such as ratbag, scumbag, old bag, and hoe-bag. Not to mention it would eventually be spoonerised to "brute fag". It could also be rearranged into the following unflattering phrases:
  • Fiat grub
  • I tug barf
  • Bra if gut
  • I, fart bug
  • I, fat grub
  • I, barf gut
Way to potentially scar unsuspecting kids for life, when they just wanted to eat healthy foods, MACCAS. You stupid fruit bags.

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